LIVE-BLOGGING THE 2011 OSCARS!!

6:30PM EST:  Well, the big day has arrived....Hollywood is all a-shiver...not only with anticipation, but because they're freezing their sequins off.  It's an uncharacteristic "cold wave" (by Southern California standards) and is only in the mid-50's today.  Time to pull out the furs, ladies! (it always cracked me up when I lived there, seeing women in fur coats...I mean HOW many days out of the year do you really need fur?).  If you'd like to follow along with me as the Oscars progress, just keep going to "View" and then "Refresh" which will update the page.  I also welcome your comments in the "Comments" section below.  Now, let's get ready for some of the early arrivals on the red carpet!

Good God...the first arrival they've interviewed:  RUSSELL BRAND.  It does not bode well to be a very glamourous night.  He seriously scares me....profoundly.

6:35:  Adorable Hailee Steinfeld of True Grit has arrived.  She's up for Best Supporting Actress.  Wearing a pink, age-appropriate princess gown and looks very sweet.  Would be nice to see her win, but Melissa Leo's got a lock on this category.  By the way, the only "scandal" so far tonight is the fact that last year's winner in this category, M'OniQue (or however her name is spelled) refused to return to give the Best Supporting Actor award, as is customary of the previous year's Best Supporting Actress.  Diva antics?  Too big for her very big britches?  Let's see if we can find out..

6:44:  Mila Kunis of The Black Swan.  She's pretty, but somehow looks like she needs a bath or something...

The front-runner, with 12 nominations, is The King's Speech...a film I'm very partial to.  I thought it just hit the nail on the head all-around.  True Grit is second with 10 nominations and The Social Network with 8.

One of the "surprises" of the night is an expected appearance by former Oscar host, Billy Crystal...that should be entertaining.

7:00PM:  Okay...now is the "official" red carpet arrivals show.  Hosted by Robin Roberts of Good Morning America and Tim Gunn of Project Runway.

7:07:  Jesse Eisenberg, all dressed up.  He was good in The Social Network...but when I found out his sister is HAILIE Eisenberg---that horrifying child actress of the 90's, he somehow slipped down a few pegs in my book....unfair?  Perhaps...

Why are they showing that embarassingly over-the-top Cuba Gooding Jr. acceptance speech?  I just wanted someone to get the hook and get him OUT of there!  "I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!"  Alright, already...

7:12:  Amy Adams of The Fighter arrived in a va-va-voom blue sequined number, looking gorgeous.  Me like.

7:16:  GAACKK!  Russell Brand is back!  Uh, Mr. Brand, could you kindly take your seat now??

7:18:  Melissa Leo, smartly avoiding the sleeveless look...and looking pretty in a long, spangly dress.  She's a shoo-in to win...bet she's nervous...

7:28:  Cate Blanchett, lovely as always...in an elegant Givenchy gown...I dunno about those colors though...didn't do much for her (periwinkle and sorta chartreuse-y?)

7:32:  Marisa Tomei in a great "old-Hollywood," vintage black dress.  I love that dame...she's great in everything I've ever seen her in.

What's all this talk about Melissa Leo's Oscar campaign backfiring on her?  I don't think she did anything out of the ordinary.  At Oscar time, everyone promotes themselves to the nth degree.  But all the wags are saying that she somehow went too far and voters are going to go against her....we'll see shortly...Best Supporting Actress is the third award of the night.

7:38:  Gawd...Scarlett Johansen forgot to comb her hair...WTF?  Nice dress, though...

7:42:  Whoa....Warren Beatty.  Seems he turned elderly almost overnight.  Time does march on, don't it?  Annette Bening looks lovely.  Amazing he's stayed with her this long...and vice-versa!

7:44:  Anne Hathaway with Valentino, in a gorgeous red, "archival"(? guess that means "vintage") gown.  One of five costume changes she'll apparently be executing tonight.

7:39:  Mark Wahlberg, handsome in a great-looking tux. But it'll be tough to top him in the "worst facial hair" category...he's got some sort of very patchy 7-day growth going on...not good.

7:51:  And here's Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush....boy, they were fantastic in The King's Speech.  Colin will win...and Geoffrey, in any other year would win as well.  But I'm thinking Christian Bale has got the Best Supporting Actor category sewn up.  We'll see...

7:53:  Reese Witherspoon looks fabulous, with a glamourous, Sharon Tate-ish hairdo and Armani gown.


7:55:  Robert Downey Jr.--the Hollywood Lazarus---looks terrific, healthy and very handsome.  Liking the long white tie with the black tux... 

8:01:  Jennifer Hudson...wow....80-pounds lighter and looking truly Hollywood-glamourous..what a transformation!!  She'll likely be on the "best-dressed" lists tomorrow.

8:02:  The lovely Natalie Portman, in a glam, aubergine maternity dress.  She's a great beauty.  And she's going to win tonight, no doubt...(as for The Black Swan.....DIDN'T GET IT!!)

8:04:  James Franco, with his traditional, bad-boy twinkle.  I think he might be an entertaining host tonight.

8:06:  Justin Timberlake....now that's a fine-looking tuxedo!  Why don't they ever ask the men "Who are you wearing?"  Don't they realize the utter importance of that question??

8:08:  Sandra Bullock....hmmm....looks like something's missing from her dress...and no jewels?  And I think the purse clashes with her red dress....FIRE YOUR STYLIST!

8:12:  The glacial Nicole Kidman looks lovely.  Keith Urban's hair..WHAZZUPWIDDAT??  His do is really unsettling. 

8:14:  Gwynnie Paltrow, looking like an Oscar statuette, all in gold.  Looks glamourous in Calvin Klein.  She's going to sing again tonight...oh dear...I wish she'd stop doing that.

And here comes Christian Bale.  He'll win tonight...but I still can't get past his tape-recorded rant a couple years ago, when he attacked some poor film crew member who couldn't fight back.  An all-time low in Hollywood petulance.  I vote for Geoffrey Rush.

8:23:  Mark Wahlberg, study Hugh Jackman's stubble...that's how it should be done!

NO!  DON'T make us watch that ridiculous Roberto Benigni clip again, where he stomped all over the seats to accept his TOTALLY mis-given Oscar!!

8:27:  Well, the show's about to begin....as Charlie Sheen would say, "BRING IT!"

And they're off...a very elaborate, 7-minute opening montage with our hosts, Anne Hathaway and James Franco, peppered with guest appearances by Alec Baldwin, Leonardo DeCaprio, Morgan Freeman and Jesse Eisenberg, in which Hathaway and Franco are "transported" into Alec Baldwin's dreams (via scenes from several of the year's nominated films).  Well-done...but funny?  Not really...

8:38:  Hathaway says to Franco, "You look very appealing to a younger demographic".  Exactly....that's what they're both doing there. 

Does he look stoned?  Or is it that he always looks stoned...?

8:42:  First award, presented by Tom Hanks is "Art Direction".  I'm guessing it'll be The King's Speech.

8:44:  Nope...Alice in Wonderland won.  Didn't see that one, but it figures. 

8:46:  Best Cinematography,  Black Swan, I bet?

Okay, no more predictions....Inception won. I'll leave the guesses up to everyone else.   

Up next:  Best Supporting Actress...this is the one everyone has their eye on tonight.  And I wonder who will present it?

8:51:  First "standing O" of the night, for Kirk Douglas.  What the hell?  He deserves it...

8:56:  Oh Kirk...no joking, please...yikes...and the winner:  Melissa Leo.  Guess the Oscar campaign didn't backfire after all!

8:58:  You're losing 'em, Melissa....she's babbling and saying nothing...just say thanks and sit down...oh wait...she just said "FUCK"....isn't that classy?  Yeesh...get her off..

Melissa Leo:  The most disingenuous "OOPS" of the night....tacky, tacky, tacky....

Puh-leeeze...don't say "fuck" and then slap your hand over your mouth like it just "slipped out"....tacky...

9:02:  Best Animated Short... The Lost Thing won.  How many people do you really think saw it?  Just axing...

9:05:  Best Animated Feature...gotta be Toy Story 3, right?

9:06:  Yup...oh wait...I wasn't going to make any more predictions...well, this was an easy one...

Next up, the screenplay awards.  I vote for The Social Network (adapted) and The King's Speech (original).  King's Speech deserves all the awards, if you ask me... 

9:13:  Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem...LOVE the white tuxes...very classy.  Bring that look back!

9:14:  Yup.  Aaron  Sorkin won Best Adapted. 

9:16:  And the orchestra kicked him off the stage...

9:18:  Really glad that David Seidler won "Best Original Screenplay".  He had to wait until the Queen Mother dropped dead before he could make a film of his script.  And she lived to 102!  Which makes him the oldest recipient of this award, ever.  Good on him, as they say in England!

9:25:  Oh gawd....here comes Franco in drag as Marilyn Monroe...this show is seriously BAD!!  They are really scraping the bottom of the barrel....

9:27:  Best Foreign Language film....haven't seen any of them.  In a Better World (Denmark) won. 

But back to this show:  What in the hell is going on?  Who wrote/directed this dreck?

9:29:  Okay...Best Supporting Actor...this is a tight race this year...but again, it'll be the obnoxious Christian Bale.  Sure wish Geoffrey Rush would get it...

How do I make my apartment walls look like Geoffrey Rush's office's?

Yup....here comes Bale.  I guess he deserves it...and he's off to another classy start, beginning his thank you with "bloody hell".  Classy, classy, classy...just like his co-star, Melissa Leo.  I guess all we have left to look forward to is maybe someone using the "C" word in their speech? 

9:40:  Uh oh....here comes the long, dull portion, where you get to see "Best Sound Editing" and stuff  like that...swell.  Now's the time to go make popcorn, check your email, etc.   But I'll still be here...

9:43:  Best Original Score...I'm thinking Inception will get it...

9:44:  And again...I'm wrong...The Social Network got it.  I didn't think the music was all that special.  I hope they're giving all the "little" awards to The Social Network to assuage their guilt over voting for the Brits and The King's Speech for Best Picture.

9:45:  Scarlett Johansen STILL hasn't combed her damned hair...AWWFUL!  And her "Best Sound Mixing" presentation with Matthew McConnaughy is seriously dumb....

And what's the dif between this and "Sound Editing"...and shouldn't these awards be in that "un-televised" section?  Do we care?  Anyway, both awards went to Inception. 

9:55:  My sister Lori just texted me that she wants to cut off her own arm every time James Franco appears on screen!

9:56:  Best Makeup....The Wolfman won it.  That nancyboy has a wife?  I'm sorry..that wasn't called for...I'm just BORED!

9:59:  Best Costume Design....gotta be Alice?  Of course it was.  The costumes are pretty spectacular, aren't they?  The dame who won read her speech, verbatim, with absolutely not one bit of inflection...ouch....

10:02:  Here comes "Best Song"...get RID of this category!  Showing the past winning songs from years gone by only points up how lousy the choices are this year.  And, inevitably, here comes RANDY NEWMAN....YUCKKKK!!!

Every single song he has ever written sounds EXACTLY THE SAME!  I. Can't. Stand. Him!!!

But, mercifully, they're not performing the entire songs...looks to be sorta 1-minute versions, which is just fine...short is good.

10:13:  Jake Gyllenhaal and Amy Adams presenting "Best Documentary Short Subject" to Strangers No More.  It's about refugee children.  How could it lose?  And they also gave the award for "Best Live Action Short"  The shaggy-haired winner gave an unnervingly antic acceptance speech to everyone including "the Great State of Delaware".   

10:21:  Oprah's here, to present "Best Documentary"....well, that's a surprise...Inside Job won.  Banksy had been getting all the buzz.  Wonder what happened?  And furthermore, Joan Rivers should have been nominated!
And we have a preachy acceptance speech from the winner. 

10:27:  2nd standing "O"--this one for a welcomed return of Billy Crystal....BOY do we need him tonight!  But it only points up the utter INCAPABILITY of FrancoWay....BRING HIM BACK!!

10:31:  Nice salute to Bob Hope...THAT is how you host the Oscars, kiddies...don't think he ever did drag on the show...not even once...(though, in truth, he did a drag scene in just about every one of his films...and he was not a pretty girl!).

10:33:  Javier Bardem and Robert Downey Jr. here to present the "Best Visual Effects".  Inception wins.  That's turning out to be a real dark horse this year.  Didn't know it was so well-thought-of...

They're also giving "Best Film Editing" to The Social Network. Self-involved nerdy guys.  Thank you, and sit down now....

Well, it's sort of heading into the homestretch...not a good sign, when the only big surprise of the night is "Best Documentary Feature"....

10:41:  EXTRA-lame patter by hosts, mocking the titles of some of the nominated films.  Poor FrancoWay...the writers did them NO favors tonight (wasn't Bruce Vilanch the head writer?  Not good....).

And the final nominated "songs".  "If I Rise" and "Take Me Home".  Gwynnie Paltrow doing her singer impression.  And the crowd went...silent.

And the Oscar goes to:  RANDY NEWMAN.....NO NO NO NO NO!  I give up.

He's babbling...he's not funny...he's boring.  Play him off!

Well, atleast the "recently deceased stars" segment is coming up.  That's something they can't screw up, right?  Except for when, as in recent years, the photos of the dead ones are so small, you can't see who it is we're supposed to be missing.  We'll see...

Now Celine Dion is singing Charlie Chaplin’s song “Smile”…that’s nice...that dame can sing!  Tony Curtis, Gloria Stuart, Leslie Nielsen, Patricia Neal, Robert Culp, Lynn Redgrave, Arthur Penn,  Susanah York (hey…I didn’t know she’d died!), Jill Clayburgh, Dennis Hopper, Blake Edwards,  Lena Horne and others. Every year, there are notable omissions.  I’ll have to study the lists and see who they left out this time.  Halle Barry came out and did a special salute to Lena Horne.  That’s nice.  I’m sure it doesn’t appeal to their “more youthful demographic”…..but so what? 

11:02:  Hillary Swank introduced Catherine Bigelow, who presents the Best Director award to....Tom Hooper of The King's Speech.  Well, YES!  This bodes well for Best Picture, too, I hope...he delivered a gracious, pithy speech, too,which is refreshing.  Thanked his mum, who's in the audience.  He looked genuinely shocked.

11:07:  Annette Bening presented all the "special award" winners (Eli Wallach, Francis Ford Coppola, Kevin Brownlow) in one fell swoop, by showing a drastically edited montage of their previous acceptances.  These used to be actually "SPECIAL" awards...they didn't even get to say a word tonight!  But we did get that captivating 1-minute thank you from "Best Sound Editing" winners...what is wrong with this picture??

11:11:  Now we're REALLY in the homestretch.  Jeff Bridges is here to give the Best Actress award.  Annette Bening is a dark horse candidate...but it seems like Natalie Portman will win for that nasty mess of a picture, The Black Swan, right?

11:17:  Yep, Natalie wins.  No surprises here.  She was good in the film, but that film was all over the map.  What WAS the message in The Black Swan?? 
11:19:  blah blah blah...play her off already!

11:20:  Sandra Bullock gets clumsily introduced as if she were The Grande Dame of American Cinema by Anne Hathaway.  She's presenting "Best Actor".  And if it ain't Colin Firth, I'm giving up movies and taking up crocheting.

Yesss.....!  Colin takes it.  My faith in the future of cinema has been (partially) restored.  Good writing, great acting and just plain quality actually still count for something, it seems. 

11:32:  AT LAST!  Best Picture, presented by Steven Spielberg.  Last year, they implemented the ridiculous new rule of nominating TEN pictures, instead of the previous five.  This was all a money-related decision, so that all these pics could use the "Academy Award Nominated..." label in their ads.  I don't think there WERE ten Oscar-worthy films last year!  The Kids are Alright was...just alright, I guess...though its message that a lesbian's only a lesbian until a hot guy comes along isn't exactly the way it works, folks.

Okay...here it is....and the winner is....."THE KING'S SPEECH"!  Quality triumphs!  But boy, is the applause tepid!  I don't recall seeing an audience look so nonplussed by a Best Picture winner!  Anyway, in my humble opinion, this film deserved this award, by far.   The producer just thanked his boyfriend....and there were no gasps.  Hee hee...they tried to "play them off the stage" but one more producer came forward and had his day.  The music actually stopped, which I don't think I've seen happen before!  So, finally, we have a rendition of "Over the Rainbow" by a Staten Island kiddie choir.  They're moving around WAY too much.  There's one kid who's flailing his limbs in an epileptic fashion, damned if HE ain't going to be seen!  And out come all the winners of the night, ending with the 4th standing "O" of the night.  Thank you, and good night.  I'll have a wrap-up in a minute, once I catch my breath.  Thanks to all of you for joining me and making your comments known as well....!